Friday, January 30, 2009

Top 20 Chuck Norris Facts

To cheer you up :)

20. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

19. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

18. When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."

17. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

16. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

15. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

14. Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.

13. Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

12. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

11. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names
for his left and right legs.

10. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

9. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

8. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.

7. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

6. Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

5. Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

4. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

3. Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

2. The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

1. Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.