Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My Top Ten Cedar Point Rides

Top Ten Cedar Point Rides
I've gone to Cedar Point every year for the most part since middle school. Every 2-3 years they add a new ride which is usually sweet. Since I'm going again in a few weeks, I decided to list my 10 favorite rides. This is based on the following criteria - funness, scary factor and line wait. Rankings are 0-10, 10 is the best, 0 the worst.

Honorable Mention:
Sky Ride

Scare Factor - 10 - The only real thing I'm afraid of dying on. Your being held up by a clothes hanger.

Line Wait - 7 - Longer than it really should be. Kind of like a rail-less esculator if there was a 5 minute wait.

Funness - 0 - Really more of a means of transportation than a ride.

Wicked Twister

Scare Factor - 3 - The thing shakes when you go to the top, kinda freaky/cool.

Funness - 2 - You go fast, it's not over that quickly. It's fun to hang and get that weightless feeling.

Line Wait - 0 - God awful, not incredibly worth the wait.

Sky Hawk

Line Wait - 6 - Very short ride makes up for the fact that this line crawls.

Scare Factor - 4 - Something unsettling about being up there for a long time being held in by a bar.

Funness - 1 - Well its basically a larger version of the pirate ship or a swing, but you go quite high. Just over too quickly.

Max Air

Scare Factor - 8 - You are held in by nothing but the ride itself, no seatbelt. Well lets just say I've seen enough machines fail in my lifetime.

Funness - 3 - Quite alot of fun actually when you look down all the way up in the air and see nothing but the sun.

Line Wait - 3 - Such an awful wait for something that takes 40 people at once. It's not that long either.


Line Wait - 10 - Two cars, not that popular, it's the best line for what you get.

Funness - 4 - Closest thing there is to an interactive rollercoaster. It's fun beating the blue car.

Scare Factor - 2 - Not much, there are some places where you stick out your hands and it looks close. Plus it's wood/kindling holding you there.

Power tower

Scare Factor - 9 - There is always a delay before the thing rockets off. That delay (especially going down) makes me scerrrred. Plus I'm pretty sure this ride killed someone.

Line Wait - 8 - Pretty fast line due to the 4 rides going at once. Plus going up is much shorter.

Funness - 5 - Going down is awesome, going up is a joy too. But for each it's over very quickly.


Funness - 6 - Pretty fast, many loops, you can swing your feet. You get to see a great deal of the park since you spin in every direction.

Line Wait - 5 - Not great, not good, but being at the front of the park...I get it.

Scare Factor - 1 - If you can get over the feet dangly thing and the first hill, you won't have any problems.


Line Wait - 9 - Once upon a time it was bad, these days it's a walk on.

Funness - 8 - I've been on this ride so much it's lost some of it's flavor. The first drop is rocking though.

Scare Factor - 3 You have a slow rickedy drag to the top. Not easy, but once it's over then it's all fun.


Funness - 7 - One of the smoothest rollercoasters.

Line Wait - 4 - I've only been on this twice. But since it's the newest and greatest, it's not great.

Scare Factor - 0 - The newest rollercoaster that barely goes a foot above ground and even stops in the middle. No reason to fear.

Top Thrill Dragster

Funness - 10 - The most fun you can have in 30 seconds. Well almost...

Scare Factor - 7 - I would pretty much wet myself if it wasn't over faster than I can say giggity.

Line Wait - 1 - Everyone flocks here and it doesn't take too many people at once.

Millenium Force

Funness - 9 - Tallest drop other than top thrill. It's a fantastic two minute ride, probably the closest thing to thrill seeking you can get at the park with the exception of the bungee jump.

Scare Factor - 6 - The ride to the top isn't as bad as magnum, but after a point you realize you are much higher than it too.

Line Wait - 2 - Hoo boy does this take forever. Especially stuck behind two 13 year old girls that won't stop talking. Suicide for realz.

Monday, September 28, 2009

It Made My Day

FMyLife is an English-language blog that serves as "a recollection of everyday anecdotes likely to happen to anyone". Posts on the site are short, user-submitted stories of unfortunate happenings that begin with "Today" and end with "FML", an abbreviation short for "fuck my life". FMyLife receives more than 1.7 million hits each day.

It Made My Day(http://itmademyday.com) is just like the reverse of this. At first glance, it doesn't seem like it would be entertaining or funny at all, but I found quite a few great ones.

My ten favorite:

10. Yesterday I was playing with our new daughter, and I screamed out “She said her first word!” My wife yelled back “Unless ‘Lady’ is in front of it, ‘gaga’ isn’t a word!” IMMD.

9. I was babysitting last week, and one of the kids asked the other one what “emo” meant. She said, “I think it means stupid.” IMMD.

8. I was listening to my college radio station, and they started to play a Kanye song, but then the DJ interrupted it with, “Kanye, I’ma let you finish, but” followed by silence. IMMD.

7. Today I saw a hummer parked in two spaces, with a parking ticket on the window. IMMD.

6. Yesterday I had sex, ate breakfast, saw a movie, and had sex again (same girl) all while my roommate only played World of Warcraft. IMMD.

5. Today in math class when this girl named Kristen, who thinks she’s the most popular girl in school, raised her hand to ask a question, I ran up and high-fived it. Everyone laughed. IMMD.

4. Yesterday the announcer at my kid’s little league game, instead of saying that the bases were loaded, said “All your base are belong to Craig’s Hardware and Appliance.” That’s the name of my son’s team’s sponsor. IMMD.

3. In bumper to bumper traffic, the guy in front of me was rooting around in the back seat not paying attention to the fact the guy in front of him had moved up. The guy behind me couldn’t stand the open space and passed both of us on the shoulder. A minute later Mr. Inahurry got rear-ended by Mr. Distracted. IMMD.

2. My girlfriend told me that- after watching a tv documentary on pregnancy- she never wants to have a baby, ever. IMMD

1. My 13 year old niece convinced my parents to adopt two kittens instead of one by means of a PowerPoint presentation. IMMD.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

My top 30 Chappelle Show clips.

Well, it's been awhile. Between all my movies, video games, fantasy sports and summer activities, I haven't created a new one. Basically I'll blame facebook as it zaps most of my free internet roaming time.

What better than to rank one of the best shows of all time. I just rewatched every single episode (not the musical acts, those were bad). The man had a fantastic thing going before he let it all go. I originally wanted to do a top ten but the more I tried removing some of them, the harder it was. You would think 30 clips might seem like a bit given that it was only 2 and a third seasons, but there was lots of clips which didn't make it, and the ones on here deserve it. So without further ado...

30. Great Moments in Hookup History
A football play by play over a night of cock blocking.

29. "Law & Order" episode
Tron gets treated like a white wall street executive while the other gets treated like a black crack head.

28. I Know Black People
Game show where the black person is always correct.

27. Crazy Camera
A magical camera has special powers, but it turns out to be too good.

26. Real Movies (Pretty Woman)
Only about a minute long, and the first 58 seconds are as boring as the movie itself.

25. Zapped
Surprise video camera clip reality show. It goes downhill fast. Y'all been zapped.

24. The Niggar Family
White family named Niggar.

23. It's a Wonderful Chest
A girl is tired of her fun bags and gets a visit by someone who shows her the way.

22. Black Howard Dean
Peow! We're going to the titty bar.

21. White People Dancing
Dave and Jon Mayer break down what different races automatically dance to.

20. If the Internet Was a Real Place
Dave runs into lots of porn, penis pills and pop ups.

19. Popcopy
Why? Cause fuck em, that's why.

18. R. Kelly's "Piss On You"
Scandal proof music.

17. Haters in Time
The player haters go back in time to hate. Pretty much self explanatory.

16. The Racial Draft
Is Madonna white or jewish, this video will answer the question.

15. Wrap It Up
I totally want one of these!

14. Making the Band
P-Diddy puts his reality show band members through some unusual trials cause they can't act as a family unit.

13. Trading Spouses
Leonard Washington is the second funnies character Dave has to Silky Johnston. He trades places with a white family.

12. Real Movies (Deep Impact)
The president has some shocking news that will make you crumble.

11. Jedi Sex Scandal
It's got everything, queer jedi, yoda, vader, samuel jackson.

10. The World Series of Dice
Leonard Washington faces off against Eddie Griffin, before an anti climatic ending.

9. Samuel Jackson beer

8. A Moment in the Life of Lil Jon
This particular one is my favorite as he basically talks to the real Lil John.

7. Ask a Black Dude
My favorite Paul Money sketch. Paul does about 3 or 4 of these and 2 Negrodamus ones. This in particular attacks Stephen King.

6. True Hollywood Stories - Prince
Charlie Murphy presents his story about Prince and fruity picks. This cat can ball, and make pancakes.

5. The Wayne Brady Show
My mother in law is never gonna believe me, that's cause she aint ever gonna know about it. I'm wayne brady bitch.

4. Kneehigh Park
Sesame street on LSD.

3. The Mad Real World
Tyree and others harass the one white guy.

2. The Playa Hater's Ball
Silky Johnston hates on the world.

1. True Hollywood Stories - Rick James
Fuck your couch. The milk's gone bad!