My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 30-21

My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 80-71
My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 70-61
My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 60-51
My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 50-41
My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 40-31

Honerable Mention: Sea Eagle

I must have missed this card, but ouch.... There are two different blue creatures which are 1/1 fliers for 1! Then they made this thing only because Wizards makes too many new cards, there I said it. Oh it is also completely inferior to the greatest card in the game - Storm Crow.

30. Crazed Goblin

At least this one is a Goblin unlike a couple others on my list. Why not play Mons's Goblin Raiders or a couple other Goblins which only cost 1 and are vastly superior.

29. Veldrane of Sengir

Homelands black stuff. More expensive than Ihsan's Shade (from the same set) and looks much less cooler. It's a pirate with wolves? 3 mana on top of it to swing for 2 forestwalkyness... garuu?

28. Soul of Magma

You shouldn't be playing a 5 drop which can be pyroclasm'd. Or that can be pyroclasm'd and only swing for 2. It might make the cut in an EDH arcane/spirit deck. But I would think that would even be pushing it.

27. Viridian Scout

I probably should place this much lower the more I think about how terrible it is. 7 mana and a card to deal 2 damage to a flying creature. Green has so many hurricane cards and ways of targeting fliers. They missed really badly on this card. It shouldn't cost 4. You can play 2 Sklylasher's for this price.

26. Shelkin Brownie

Famously awful card. It's ability doesn't do anything. There are no bands with other cards in magic. They didn't even errata this poor thing. The art is confusing -  a fat, bored brownie with a fedora. And it demands milk.

25. Force of Savagery

The fact that it requires global enchantments to even play it is the real reason to not play this card. Green has some things like this, but I'm sure you would just rather play a different card that can't be 2-1'd?

24. Wall of Caltrops

A 2/1 Wall for 2! I'm jumping off a cliff....ahhhhhhhh....oh wait it can band with another wall only if they are the only blockers???!!??? ahhhh too late I've already jumped.

23. Goblin Rock Squad

Why is it not a Goblin? Why does it not just say Mountain-home when Island-home was clearly a thing. Why can it not untap every turn? These...these are questions the world may never know.

22. Leashling

It makes miracle cards better. That is literally the only thing I can think of that would be positive. Discarding cards to bounce a creature which cost 2 more than it should is baddddddd. I'm clearly running out of ways to say things suck. The artwork sucks(it's a golem??). The flavor text sucks. The suck just sucks.

21. Reclusive Wright

4/4 is not big enough for this drawback. Always a dead card. There are things you can do with it - play after a Wrath of God, play in a land-only deck. But yeah, this card is awful.

100 Movies #3 (30-21)

100 movies 3 (100-91)
100 movies 3 (90-81)
100 movies 3 (80-71)
100 movies 3 (70-61)
100 movies 3 (60-51)
100 Movies 3 (50-41)
100 Movies 3 (40-31)

30. The Goonies

Why is it ranked here: I never watched this movie as a kid, so it isn't the classic to me that it is to many people. Has three of the biggest directors involved - Richard Donner, Steven Spielberg and Chris Columbus. It's so strange seeing a really young Josh Brolin and Sean Astin. The plot is basically kids treasure hunt which gets wrapped up in a thieves hideout. It moved along fairly quickly, though there was no one moment which stood out.
Interesting: Shit is uttered 20 times. The pirate ship was real and wasn't shown to anyone before hand to which the kids reaction was shit.

29. Starship Troopers

Why is it ranked here: As the earth wages war on an alien species the movie focuses on 3 characters in their actions against the bugs. A jock marine, the girlfriend pilot and the scientist friend. They start off as high schoolers and when their home city is destroyed  Rico has no choice but to live out his life as a marine. Brought to us through a web/commercial of sorts, which sounds strange but really works. It's a great mix of good action and interesting drama. The characters are played by some decent actors - Neil Patrick Harris, Michael Ironside, Denise Richards, Jake Busey.
Interesting: The director said that the book it was based on bored and depressed him(he never finished it). Broke the record for ammunition for a film. The director would be a stand in for the CGI aliens and flail around to get responses. The producer, writer, Clancy Brown(Kurgan from Highlander) and Amy Smart all have cameos.

28. Falling Down

Why is it ranked here:  A cop who is on his last day clashes with a man who starts lashing out violently and psychotically at society. There was a strange sidestory between Robery Duvall and his wife. Michael Douglas seemingly wants to just see his daughter one last time, so he's a likable antagonist. He is also our main character here as well. Memorable scenes include a bazooka, lashing out at a fast food restaurant and trying to buy a soda.
Interesting: Douglas claimed it was the greatest script ever when no studio would touch it and still considers it his favorite performance. Douglas was claimed to be a man in his 30's when in real life he was 47. Title comes from the song London Bridges Falling Down.

27. Mallrats

Why is it ranked here: Kevin Smith's second go includes color, the great continuing dialogue between friends - this time in the form of two slackers(Jason Lee and Jeremy London) who like going to the mall. In this particular day they are each trying to win back their girlfriends(Shannen Doherty and Claire Forlani) on a game show held at the mall while dealing with their own enemies(Ben Affleck and Michael Rooker). And the run into the classic stoners(Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith). So many great things here, it would be way too long to cover all of them.
Interesting: Lots of dialogue is revolved around superheros and superhero genitalia - and Stan Lee makes an appearance. Jay and Silent Bob have some Wile E. Coyote moments with the security guard.

26. Hellboy 2 - The Golden Army

Why is it ranked here:  The continuing adventure of the demon Ron Perlman. So many of the effects here are real and not CGI. Everything looks that much better because of it. Guillermo del Toro does a great job making it seem realistic. I actually like this better than the original. The ending is pretty awesome as he is battling the army. Standout creatures and scenes. The plot involves an evil elf declaring war against humanity and attempts to control this army.
Interesting: Del Toro turned down 4 movies to do this including Harry Potter 6, I Am Legend and Halo. The studio went from Sony to Universal, which is a rare thing for a sequel. Seth MacFarlane of Family Guy was pulled in to do the voice of Kraus. There was an Angel of Death costume in which the wings were 40 pounds and the actor couldn't see or stand and therefore didn't move.

25. Man on Fire

Why is it ranked here: A remake of an 87 movie. This was my second time watching it. The first time I had no idea what to expect and didn't really get into the beginning. However the second half is just fantastic. It's pretty hard not to like Denzel here. Dakota Fanning and her parents? Less likable, but what is important in the first half is building the relationship between Creasy and Lupita so the ending pays off so well. I like my revenge movies and there is nothing quite like trying to rescue a kidnapped girl. The movie has a message with it's facts laced throughout and does attempt to inform about human trafficking.
Interesting: Christopher Walken and Mickey Rourke have small parts here. Directed by the late great Tony Scott. Scott was turned down to direct the original because he didn't have a hit(must have been prior to Top Gun)Scott and Washington worked together on Crimson Tide before, but it wasn't until the ran into each other at the doctor's office that they decided to work on this.

24. Enter The Dragon

Why is it ranked here: This ended up going really well with the James Bond theme. This was a first time watch for me, so sadly this reminded me of Mortal Kombat - and not the other way around. Three people go to an island, one of them a great master has a loved one killed on said island. In this one the police want to infiltrate and take every one down. Lee agrees to help them. I didn't get enough tournament fighting for my liking. There is plenty of action between all the fighting going on, but I still couldn't help feeling like I was missing out on something. The end turns into a Bond-Esq shootout between police and henchmen. They take out Jim Kelly's Williams in a pretty awful way which doesn't fit the tone.
Interesting: One of Jackie Chan's first roles during a cave fight scene in which Lee fights 50 opponents. Bruce Lee really hits Chan in the face with a stick(and apologized afterwards of course). 8,000 mirrors were used in the final fight. Lee of course would sadly die 3 weeks before the premier of this.

23. Coraline

Why is it ranked here:  I wanted to watch this for Halloween but I kept putting it off. Delightfully bizarre film about a little girl who feels neglected by her parents and finds another parallel world of her home which is actually controlled by something evil. It had tones of a children's film but I don't think I would show this to a kid who couldn't handle it. It's PG but it's a more of an adult movie as things are wickedly creepy.
Interesting: The longest stop motion film to date. The first one to be shot entirely in 3D. There is Detroit Zoo Bear fountain in one of the snow globes. 1 puppet of Coraline took 10 people 3 months and there were 28 puppets.

22. Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog

Why is it ranked here: A series of web shorts all strung together to form an hour and a half movie. Neil Patrick Harris plays the evil Dr. Horrible who wants to be in the league of evil while fighting his nemesis Captain Hammer over a woman. Dr. Horrible talks though his web blog. A couple of songs, though they are mostly delightful. They make an 'evil' Dr. a sympathetic character through him falling in love with Penny and being stopped at every turn by the arrogant Hammer.
Interesting: Shot in 6 days. Filmed by Joss Whedon(and his brothers), Nathan Fillion saw that Whedon was calling him and said Yes immediately to whatever Whedon wanted him for. The opening FBI warning was changed to be really funny.

21. Monsters, Inc.

Why is it ranked here: A middle of the road Pixar movie for me. The film is an enjoyable ride though. It's a world of monsters who gain electricity and power through children's screams but are deathly afraid of children themselves. When a child goes through to the monster's universe, out two main monsters(Billy Crystal and John Goodman) do their best to save themselves from discovery and return the girl to her bedroom.
Interesting: They had to go and come out with a prequel this summer, so now Hellen and I have not watched every Pixar movie. John Goodman pushed for Steve Buscemi to do a voice and this was their fourth movie together. Crystal and Goodman would read their lines together which is rare for an animated movie.

My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 40-31

My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 80-71
My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 70-61
My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 60-51
My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 50-41

40. Goblin War Wagon

This card aspires to be a Hill Giant. Yes, it's terrible enough to be one of the worst artifacts and creatures of all time. Unnecessary cost to untap this. If it cost 1 to untap, maybe it would only be bad. Or if you could pay 2 to untap at anytime, it would be interesting. It doesn't even count as a Goblin, which is the worst sin this card could make.

39. Vindictive Mob

Overpriced, not easily splash-able, get's you 2-1ed. It has no evasion or trample. There are slightly easier ways for Black to get a creature of this relative size. And it's so uncool. A Black mob? Take that Saprolings!

38. Vodalian Soldiers

A staple for some reason, but that doesn't mean it isn't a waste of cardboard. White gets Savannah Lions, Green gets elves. Red gets goblins. Black has various zombies/Child of the Night. Blue get's this, this thing. I suppose you are stopping the Savannah Lion or Child of the Night, but you are getting the raw end of those deals.

37. Grollub

Completely unplayable in a multiplayer game, hopefully there isn't a 2/4 blocker out there or this is going to be a dead card. Also hope they don't have Pestilence. Exodus was such a good set too. At least they fixed this with Spitemare.
It's just easier to play a generic 3/3 which costs 1 more or a 2/3 which doesn't have that drawback.

36. Barrenton Medic
 
5 mana is just way too much(about 3 more than it should) for what this card does. It can only prevent a limited amount of damage, and it leaves a decent blocker but so does Wall of Omens. It's only a temporary thing which for that cost is such a bad deal. Maybe there is some combo for it, but it's not worth looking up.

35. Derelor

Classic terrible creature. Oh how Black has such giant drawbacks. This is playable in one circumstance - when you are only splashing Derelor. In that case, why do you need a generic 4/4 for the cost of color screwing yourself. I guess if you had a way to give this to your mono black opponent, then bam!

34. Woodcloaker

Pay 6 mana for a generic 3/3 which you would never ever do. Or pay 7 mana broken up into 2 turns for a 3/3 which gives temporary trample. I think their heart was in a good place with this, but Trample for one turn to one creature is not worth the cost of a normal card that would cost 5. It is an elf though and the art is pretty sweet.

33. Mindless Null

Someone, somewhere was wondering how to make Scathe Zombies even worse. WELL, they pulled that off. I suppose occasionally you could have a vampire, but then why can't you make it 3/3 or at least 2 mana. So awful. Supposedly it should have cost 2 mana, but someone put a typo in and everyone found it funny enough to keep.

32. Viashino Skeleton

This gets bonus points for giving me nightmares when I was younger. I seriously had nightmares as a kid of animal skeletons being trapped in walls.
At one point the worst rated creature on the Gatherer. 4 mana gives you a 3/3 creature typically in Red. This one has already been hit by Phrexian Boon. Geehh. And paying 2 mana of a different color while discarding a card to regenerate is something that one would do? Is it that wrong to give a red creature regeneration?

31. Warping Wurm

What a piece of junk. Not to be compared to the Millenium Falcon, the Warping Wurm is super awful. I feel like I'm missing something.
Turn 1-3: can't be played typically.
Turn 4: cast a 1/1.
Turn 5: phases out
Turn 6: 2/2
Turn 7: phases out
Turn 8: 3/3
Turn 9: phases out
Turn 10: 4/4
Then you have to pay 4 mana a turn to use the thing every turn, but at that point you might as well just have it keep growing cause this game you are in probably is in no hurry to end.

100 Movies #3 (40-31)

100 movies 3 (100-91)
100 movies 3 (90-81)
100 movies 3 (80-71)
100 movies 3 (70-61)
100 movies 3 (60-51)
100 Movies 3 (50-41)

40. The Living Daylights

Why is it ranked here: My favorite of the two Dalton Bonds. It starts off pretty sweet with three agents parachuting and we don't know which one Bond is. It has some fun action pieces including the pictured sled down on a violin case as well as a runway fight. The climax with the old fat white arms dealer was pretty anticlimactic as the true villain was the Russian General Koskov. I personally like it better than the Lazenby one as well as the later Brosnan and Moore ones.
Interesting: Dalton turned down the part for On Her Majesty's Secret Service 20 years earlier which eventually went to Lazenby. Ironically Dalton only got the part because Brosnan turned it down. Awesome history there.

39. The Expendables

Why is it ranked here: Jason Statham has a really good side arc here. Two scenes that hook me, and then they just abandon the arc. Such a great idea for a movie. Throw 80's action stars with some 90's action stars and have everyone fight. 20 years earlier might have not been so bad either. The plot involving the dictator who's minions drop him at the first sight of trouble is fairly bland. Mickey Rourke, Arnold and Bruce Willis are mainly here for show and don't really do anything other than look awesome. I don't mind for those few seconds that we do get of The Terminator talking to both John McClain and Rocky. Or the Russian fighting the One.
Interesting: Jean-Claude Van Damme and Wesley Snipes turned down roles only to accept them in sequels. The first Arnold movie in 6 years since prior to his political career. The only movie directed by Stallone which wasn't Rocky or Rambo.

38. Quantum of Solace

Why is it ranked here: If there was ever a Bond sequel, this is it.The worst of the new Craig Bonds. The beginning is pretty awesome as it doesn't miss a beat and starts where the last one left off. The climax is not as great - as it involving a bland burning building fight. It does have that revenge factor which helps the stakes here. We've watched the renegade Bond storyline many times before though, so there were pieces which weren't as fresh. The Opera scene as well as the M assassination attempt are both pretty awesome.
Interesting: Daniel Craig was injured 3 times on the filming and considers Casino Royale a walk in the park compared to the amount of training he needed for this. For the first time the character of Felix Leiter was played by the same actor in a consecutive movie.

37. The Expendables 2

Why is it ranked here: They surprisingly raise the bar here. Adding JCVD as well as Chuck Norris is a great start. Giving Willis and Schwarzenegger action scenes is even better. The plot is just as boring. Saving more villagers? The middle is fairly unexciting. The beginning is much better than the original and the ending is just as great as the first third. We get less Jet Li(was actually filming a different film at the time) and no Rourke which might be a wash with the aforementioned actors. It doesn't have the interesting side arc of Statham or Lundgren either. Still a great effort, can't wait for Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson, Wesley Snipes, Kelsey Grammer and Antonio Banderas all thrown in.
Interesting: Stallone admitted his casting was looking for actors who hadn't had a hit in awhile as a way to pay everyone back for what others did for him. Rumors arose when the movie was suspected to get a PG-13 rating(though it got an R), and everyone blamed Chuck Norris. Norris actually kills quite a bit here.

36. Thunderball

Why is it ranked here: Probably my third favorite Connery Bond behind You Only Live Twice and Goldfinger. It came out years after Dr. No and given the larger budget it looked better. There was lots of water, investigation and we got to see number 2. Domino is great Bond girl. Spies, helicopters, sharks and a jet pack are all here.
Interesting: Was supposed to be the first Bond film but due to the legal problems, it was pushed aside and eventually remade as Never Say Never. The opening Bond firing title sequence as well as the classic Bond poster were both introduced here.

35. Payback

Why is it ranked here: One of my top two revenge movies of all time up with Law Abiding Citizen. Mel Gibson is just a bad ass out of principle and there is just something really awesome about that. Porter starts off killing lackeys and works his way off to the mob boss. Great comedic moments here as well. Braveheart is probably Gibson's best, but this is probably number 2. It's probably a movie I would show my dad, but not my mom.
Interesting: Director Brian Helgeland was fired from the movie 2 days after winning an Oscar for LA Confidential. The movie was delayed a year while they planned new elements - like Kris Kristofferson's character as well as waiting for Mel to wrap up Lethal Weapon 4.

34. Out Of Sight

Why is it ranked here: George Clooney plays a too cool bank robber which opens him getting thrown in jail. There is a cop and robber romance between him and J'Lo. They get thrown in a trunk together (took 45 takes) and almost break the fourth wall talking about movies. The remainder involves a 'last heist'. Some of the scenes are just majestic, in particular the way they film the outdoors and snow.  Don Cheadle,  Ving Rhames, Samuel Jackson, Steve Zahn and Michael Keaton all round out the cast. Keaton in particular seemingly playing the same character he does in Jackie Brown. The Jackson cameo ending is just fantastic.
Interesting: Set and filmed in Detroit. Neither Keaton nor Jackson wanted any money for their work. The only movie? to include two actors who played Batman(Clooney and Keaton).

33. Dr. No

Why is it ranked here: The original Bond movie, if you don't count the TV movie Casino Royal of course. The ending had the typical lair shoot out/explosion. Ursula Andress is one of the best Bond girls. It took about 40 minutes for me to get into this one though. The car driving scenes just look so old and fake. You get classic M, Moneypenny and Felix Leiter is here as well. The tarantula scene was a good surprise. Bad guy Dr. No was a decent baddie.
Interesting: Max von Sydow and Christopher Lee would both turn down the role of Dr. No only to become future Bond villains. Picked to be the first Bond due to the simplicity - one location(Jamaica) and one special effects piece. Only 14,000 out the million dollar budget was given to the set design which is exemplary.

32. The Karate Kid

Why is it ranked here: I'll admit I was quite skeptical when I first heard about this movie. The Kung Fu Kid? Will Smith's kid, in a different country? Jackie Chan? It turns out to be pretty great though. The training montage scenes are of course my favorite. The tournament ending goes by a bit too quickly for my taste, but it ends in such a glorious way. The one Jackie Chan fight scene is wicked awesome. Unfortunately there is no crane kick - special move which is honestly the biggest issue I have with this when compared to the original. They try too hard at times with certain aspects to mimic the original when it doesn't fit. Namely everything with the lead bad guy instructor - he had his hair up like John Kreese and even had the same dialogue as the original character. I cringe every time I see the sad drunk Jackie Chan.
Interesting: Although it seems much shorter than the original movie, it actually clocks in at 10 minutes longer. Features The Great Wall of China, The Forbidden City, Crane technique and Tai Chi Chuan.

31. From Russia With Love

Why is it ranked here: The second James Bond movie. Features an hour train ride, as well as some cooler spy elements. Good fighting scenes. The ending included a boat chase and just unexpectedly ended with the words James Bond will be back. Being the first time I watched this - I thought it might actually be a part one of some story. Although some aspects - SPECTRE for example are the same in future movies, this is generally not true(with the exception of Quantam of Solace's beginning). I expected every movie to end with some giant explosion, and it just seemed so strange to not get that here. This is considered one of the best Bonds though despite missing some of the key Bond elements.
Interesting: Connery and the director Terence Young both almost died in separate helicopter accidents. This was the last movie to be watched by JFK. Bond doesn't appear in the movie until the 17 minute mark.

My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 50-41

My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 80-71
My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 70-61
My 80 Worst Magic Creatures 60-51


50. Phyrexian Marauder

Finally a X/X creature. Great deal. Except they nerf'd the hell out of it. The inability to block is a major drawback. Paying the upkeep cost essentially every turn is bad no matter how big the thing is. Is a generic 5/5 or 6/6 even worth this?

49. Emberwilde Caliph

This card was a good try. I can see some nice value in this. Those drawbacks are very intense. You literally can't hurt your opponent more than you are getting hurt - for the cost of a card. Not a great deal. If your opponent blindsides you with a larger flier, you've done messed up son. It's a very specific card against another very specific deck. The art is also boring for something so unique.

48. Harbor Guardian

Another card I have like 80 of, so I hate it more than probably others I should. It always starts off so nice too. 3/4 Reach for 4. That might as well be all it is though, because to attack with it is not smart.
Rhox War Monk and Giant Spider are infinitely better.

47. Devouring Deep

I hate very specific cards. Trying to make the Gray Ogre look decent, we have the Devouring Deep. Wizards used to hate on Blue so badly. This actually exists in the same game as Boros Swiftblade.

46. Soldevi Heretic

An ability that you would never use unless it was to save your Meddling Mage. Oh it's attached to a Gray Ogre body? Please play it then. Your opponent will take this deal 10/10 times. God I hate Gray Ogre.

45. Scornful Egotist

I get that this will never be worse than a 2/2 for 3 - yes, a Gray Ogre. It's still a dumb card and actually makes Break Open (The Worst Card in the Game) useful.

44. Shitting Valesk

I know you can use that morph argument like we did with Scornful Egotist, but I don't care. What the hell is that art? A facehugger, a crab, a saw? I don't know and I also don't know why someone would play this creature. I don't care if you pay 6 or 7 for it. You are only getting this creature every other turn on average and paying 6 repeatedly to do that. Then there will be that one game where you can barely use the vanilla thing. Just suck it up and play Balduvian Horde.

43. Phantasmal Sphere

Despite it's casting cost, not a card you can consider playing early what-so-ever.  A cumulative upkeep that when it dies, your opponent gets the creature upkeep free. Just hope your opponent is playing Control Magic and has had too many Coors Lights.

42. Limestone Golem

Making Obsianus Golem look good is not easy. I suppose you can pay 8 mana, block and cycle, but you get the idea. Pass on this.

41. Shimatsu the Bloodcloaked

Everyone loved the Wood Elemental so much they had to reprint it. Bigger, Faster, Stronger. At least it's Legendary so you can't play two... The only Red Demon creature type. Essentially a 0/0 Devour creature for 4. Compare that to Hellkite Hatchling.