Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I ask the world's greatest questions, I get dumb answers...

What if you could have any ten questions answered? Which ten would you ask?

I picked my top ten questions and let the all knowing MAGIC 8 BALL answer them.

I'm not asking anything spiritual here, no...is there a god, soul, heaven, elvis...

10. Did OJ do it?
Well, we're off to a bang up job aren't we 8-Ball? I think even Judge Ito knew the answer to this one, but you couldn't.

9. Was 9-11 a conspiracy by the government?
Why did I even bother with this? Stupid 8-Ball! It's not going to tell me anything that even George Jr. couldn't tell me.

8. Was the JFK assassination a cover up?
Now we are on to something. So there was some foul play on that grassy knoll and I don't mean Lee Harvey Oswald. Some people need to be put in jail now. Go eighty go!

7. Will humans cure all disease and cancer?
Well we really need to jump off that cancer cure band-wagon don't we. That money could be better spent else where I suppose. Like into the stock market...no wait...that's a guaranteed failure too.

6. Do vampires/zombies/werewolves/loch ness monster/bigfoot exist?
While kind of sad, I guess it's all for the better. Now we can lay off Transylvania, cemeteries, London, Loch Ness, and Canada once and for all.

5. Will humanity wipe itself out through pollution or war?
Oh bloody hell. Well now I shall make it my life's work to heal the environment and stop war. So...I would have to become a hippie-Greenpeace member, fuck that son.

4. Can you be brought back to life? (through freezing or miracles)
I know where the rest of my money is going...to the freezing chamber so when I die, my body can be put on ice. Looks like I'll be teaching future generations about the slam dunk contest, or be tortured endlessly explaining how taxes work, why Alex Rodriguez took steroids or how we elected Bush with minority number of votes.

3. Did a meteor wipe out the dinosaurs?
Now we can stop that evolution bull-crap once and for all. And now we can focus on the real issue, how are we going to get Bruce Willis into space with that annoying Ben Affleck.

2. Is time travel possible?
Well with all of my dreams of a flying delorean down the tubes, I am forced to live my life the way it was intended...balls to the walls.

1. Do Aliens Exist?
Uh oh. First they are going to screw our women, then run back to their planet while raising their alien child on earth from a glass box. Impossible you say?

Well then I give you exhibit A: