Tuesday, April 14, 2009

My Top 25 Simpsons Characters

The Simpsons could arguably be the great show ever. It’s been on forever, and they’ve covered everything. What really makes it though is the characters. But even though there are so many good ones, picking out 25 that stood out to me was pretty easy. Now ranking the last 15 was pretty brutal, but rest assured they all deserve to be here.

25. Kent Brockman: And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
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24. Mayor Quimby: I stand by my racial slur.
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23. Rainier: My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
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22. Barney: Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!
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21. Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
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20. Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country.
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19. Principal Skinner: That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie, the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
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18. Krusty the Clown: And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
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17. Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
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16. Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.
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15. Ned Flanders: I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
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14. Snake: (busts open a loaded cash register) Oh... Good-bye student loan payments.
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13. Comic Book Guy: The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
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12. Sea Captain: Yar, I'm not attractive.
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11. Moe: Uh, Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss. Aw, why can't I find Amanda Hugginkiss?
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10. Bart: I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.
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9. Otto: Stoners Pot Place... That is flagrant false advertising.
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8. Sideshow Bob: I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
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7. Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
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6. Troy McClure: Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
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5. Frink: Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing?
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4. Groundskeeper Willie: If elected mayor, my first act is to kill the whole lot of you, and burn your town to cinder! I know my mikes on!
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3. Nelson: Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
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2. Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
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1. Mr. Burns: I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
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