Sunday, July 21, 2013

My 100 Worst Magic Cards Part 5/5

20. Waste Away
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Call for Blood(#28) was pretty horrific. Same mana cost, you just had to sacrifice a creature instead of a card from your hand. At least here you can dump a land, but you are still 2-1ing yourself. That one however could at least be spliced and take out things larger than a Craw Wurm.

19. Tomb of Urami
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Non Ogre decks aside. A pain land swamp. Pretty bad so far. Sacrifice all lands for a 5/5 Flyer? Since this is the last thing you are going to be playing, you had better hope your opponent can't remove it. Creatures and removal are too good now days for a duelist to let a self Armageddoning creature to win. If it wasn't Legendary, or required the sacrifice of all other lands or didn't require tapping - then we might have a situational card. But even a dark ritual doesn't allow for this thing to come out prior to turn 3.

18. Heavy Mattock
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In a Human deck - 5 mana to give +2/+2 is a fairly big waste of time. So help you if you aren't playing Humans. Artifact heavy decks can't even afford to play this thing.

17. Runesword
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9 mana to give 2 power to a creature until of turn??!? I guess affected creatures can't regenerate and are exiled is decent, but you have to tap 3 every turn and only targets attacking creatures - which means your opponent doesn't have to block with his regenerators. And of course the icing on the cake - if the creature dies, so does the sword. Bleh!

16. Razor Boomerang
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5 mana a turn to deal 1 damage to creature or player. Sure not efficient mana wise. Also requires equipping and attaching to a non summoning sickness creature. That sends it over the top into awful status. What the hell is that art? If there is a way to abuse artifacts coming into play, then this does have some value.

15. Magma Vein
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The fact that it can't hurt your opponent or only your opponent's creatures is the reason this is so bad. It costs 4 mana and the additional red requirement of mana to be essentially doing a Pestilence and Stone Rain on yourself at the same time. Not going to work in any non mono red deck. Also not targeting flyers makes this even more limited.

14. Dispersing Orb
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Very similar in lots of ways to #15. Except it costs 9 whopping mana to use, a whopping 4 extra each time to use it and only bounces cards. At least Magma Vein can take out your opponent's Grim Lavamancer. This just bounces cards temporarily while you sacrifice cards permanently. How is this even remotely playable?

13. Ember Shot/Scorching Spear
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I dislike both of these more than Flare (#56, 1 damage, cantrip). 7 mana seems like way too much for a cantrip lighting bolt. It would probably be appropriately costed at 3 or 4. This as it stands is the second worst direct damage in the game. (Oh we will get there soon #1) Scorching Spear on the other hand just seems like a waste of card space/time/effort/art/money. It's not completely useless, but close.

12. Aladdin's Lamp
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My favorite overpriced card. It's been around forever and I've never saw any person or machine cast this thing. It's affect on the game is also so very small. There are enough tutors in the game now that cost 1 mana or even as high as 4 that are much better than this card. I suppose it can grab you the card you need every turn, kind of for the same 10 mana you used to play this thing. The Ring was silly as well, but at least did something. You can draw a card for 1 every turn if you found a way to play this without it's casting cost, beyond that(and possibly animating it) it's another waste of an extra land you could of had.

11. Pyromania
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5 mana and 2 cards(one possibly useful) to deal 1 damage. Hmm, oh wait you want to use this again? 7 mana and 3 cards to deal 2 damage... At what point can you keep doing this? Entire decks were made out of Stormbind however, so maybe, just maybe, this is balanced.

10. Steamclaw
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The best definition of a do nothing artifact with the exception of Darksteel Relic. This however costs 5 mana to remove 1 card in a graveyard from the game. Colorless graveyard hate is one thing, but this is just too expensive. I know of at least 4 artifacts that do this much better. I do like the flavor text on it though(and the art).

9. Wintermoon Mesa
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Comes into play tapped and adds one colorless. Okay for this to fly the ability must be pretty good right? Sacrifice it to tap two lands? Who? What? That is astounding bad. I'm not sure if this is worse early or late game. If you draw it early game you have to be treating it as a spell because you can't count on it for a land. You can't use it the turn it comes into play, and if your opponent has any foresight, then it won't do anything late game either.

8. Farmstead
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5 white mana means you can't play this is anything without lots of plains. That is the good news. And it's a rare. If both of those don't stop you, then please pay 2 mana a turn to gain 1 life. Please only do this once. And to make matters worse, 4 months later Wizards came out with Fountain of Youth, which is infinitely better in every deck.

7. Armistice
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Math time: 5WWW and your opponent gains 3 life for this card to just cycle itself. You want card advantage +1? How about 8WWWWW and your opponent gains 6 life. I would actually kind of want my opponent to do this. By the time this gives you any kind of advantage, you have lost 5 mana for a number of turns and given your opponent like 12 life. What a....

6. Bargain
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My favorite life gaining spell. 2-1 yourself to gain 7 life for the low cost of 3 mana. I'm pretty sure that's not a bargain. Or actually maybe it is for your opponent. Hopefully they aren't playing Mindslaver and force you to play this.

5. Phyrexian Tribute
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Poor black, get's hosed in the artifact department. White and Green have Disenchant and Naturalize respectively. While red gets 1 and 2 mana artifact hate as well as Shatterstorm and the like, black ends up with a 3-1 sorcery speed card which also costs 3 mana. This is just wow. Only the truly desperate mono black mage with no other options would consider this sideboard worthy.

4. Security Detail
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6 mana for a 1/1 soldier token that you can create every turn! Except if you have any other creatures of course, but that's hardly a drawback. Suicide attack every turn! That's an endless supply of tokens!

3. Sorrow's Path
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The most infamous land of all time. Combos with your opponents Icy Manipulator. Yes, in my opinion there are two cards worse than this.

2. One With Nothing
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Thank goodness this is black, cause if it was green or blue then it would be number 1 for sure. Black at least has those re-animator decks as well as cards which have abilities that deal with having no cards in hand. Those are very specific reasons to play this card. In any other deck this is completely unplayable under any circumstance.

1.  Break Open
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Congrats to Break Open for being the worst card in the game! Only 2 mana that's not the issue. An instant, also no problem. Your opponent must be playing morphed creatures which severely when you can actually cast this. You can ruin your opponent's surprises! Har. Break Open a Unstable Hulk and force them to lose a turn! Maybe they have Thrashing Mudspawn which you can repeatedly deal damage to! I don't know. I really don't know how this is supposed to help.

Let me know what you think!

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